My Turn

Finally! I have been waiting for months for my mother to get me logged on so I can post about this cruise. I have a lot to say.

Let's talk about my mother first. I love her dearly but she is crazy. All that talk about Islamic swimsuits and hating the beach. Whatever. Stop whining, buy some sunscreen and a hat and call Jenny Craig! And throw away that bag of Dove chocolates we all know you're hiding in the cupboard.

I don't know what she is so worried about. I'll be fine on the cruise. I'm getting her ready for it right now. All she has to do is hold me non-stop. I'll be perfectly happy. It's so easy. I don't know what her problem is. Just drop off Danny with the other kids for play time. Then walk around and hold me. Simple. She can stop worrying about lugging around that bulky double stroller. She won't even need it.

I've already found the swimsuit I want. It's the pink one. (It's hard to tell because there's no model wearing them but they are baby bikinis!) It will match the polish on my toenails and the faux diamond studs in my ears. I'm hoping Aunt Cindy can find a huge flower for my hair that matches the one on the swimsuit. Then I'd be all set.

I may not be old enough to get in the pool, but there's no age limit to relaxing on the beach and eating sand with my favorite punching bag, Rusty!

I can hardly wait...for the sand eating. Not punching Rusty. He just might be bigger than me by then!

Thanks for visting!

Hey everyone!

Thanks for coming to see me get blessed today and coming over to my house and playing with me!

Yo, I'm out!

Rusty

Spring Fever

You know how you have one of those weeks? Just one of THOSE @#$%^%$#@! weeks? Well, I am in the middle of one.


I am tired of everything. I cannot stand know-it-all janitors, third graders and their teachers, or sixth graders with their attitudes. My assistant principal is pushing me to the brink of I-am-gonna-scream-if-she-observes-me-one-more-time and my feet hurt.


Besides that, I haven't played with my nieces and nephews in weeks, I can't keep track of what day it is and I keep burping up my lunch. It wasn't that good in the first place. (Gas station corn dog and tater babies. Fast and close, but not worth repeating.)


If ever I needed a vacation it is this week. The anticipation is almost worse than the wait. "It's almost Spring Break" I keep telling myself, "just a couple more weeks and you don't have to see any horrible children for 4 whole days." Of course, that does not count as a break, recess or vacation. ONLY four days, it's really only 2 days because the school isn't open on the weekends anyway.


So, I take a deep breath and remember that, "School is almost out, school is almost out" and then I find out that the School Board took away a week of my already pathetically short summer break so that the District Employees can have a longer Winter Recess. Que? Are you kidding me? 15 employees are more important than 5000 kids and 200 teachers? Oh, you know what text abbreviations I was thinking! I think mi cabeza just exploded with the injustice! (I am practicing Spanglish for Cozumel.)


So, now I am breathing heaviliy and thinking about the next thing I have to look forward to-The Cruise.


Aah, the cruise. Sunshine, flip flops, eating out every meal. Even the motion sickness, smell of people eating fish and canned soda can't ruin the Nirvana I find in those two words. No one trying to solve my problems, tell me what to do or rather how I could be doing better. And if they do I can tell them to "Shut Up!" without 26 classmates gasping and running to tattle on me for saying "bad words". Oy vay! and shoot me already!

Thank you Tim and Kym, for giving this tired music teacher something to look forward to and a refrain to repeat:

"The Cruise. The Cruise. The Cruise."

Paradise Beach, Cozumel

I thought I would post one the places you will findme when we get off the ship in Cozumel after, of course, my dolphin swim. This place is called "Paradise Beach" and hence the name, it really will be a little bit of Paradise.

It has a restaurant, 2 bars, dining area, boutique, massages on the beach ( booyah!), hair braiding, tattooing, beach toys galore for the kids like me that include kayaking, snorkeling, water trampoline, floats and rafts, showers, bathrooms, changing rooms ( these are a must when I am spending the day at the beach), and taxis right on the premises. Also, you can have any excursions pick you up right there at the beach. Most excursions will also drop you back off at the beach when you are done if you want to go back.

Now you ask what is the cost of such a wonderful place to sun and have fun at, only a mere $10 for an all day pass and it includes the use of all the water toys and kayaks and they even have snorkel gear you can borrow if you want for this price.Now of course if your one of those people who just wants to sit under an umbrella and read a book all day then it is FREE! It only costs money if you want to use the fun toys. Now this is an excursion I can get excited about that is affordable for all and fun for kids of all ages. Also, it is a short 5 minute walk from where the ship will be docked so you won't have to take a taxi to get there, booyah!

So, if your not into the kayak thing like Cindy is, then come join me at beautiful Paradise Beach! For more further reading you can check their website yourself at www.paradise-beach-cozumel.com

Happy Cruising!

Can you canoe a canoe? What about a Kayak?

I’ve only been kayaking twice but I’m addicted. My one and only canoeing experience (excluding the canoes around Tom Sawyer’s Island at Disneyland) included getting stuck in the middle of Bear Lake during a thunderstorm and trying not to panic while waiting for someone at shore to notice us and bring out a power boat to tow us in, but I would love to try it again. River rafting also intrigues me even though, as Tim says, I nearly died when we went down the Green River. (And I didn’t almost die, it was just really cold water and hitting a rock will knock anyone’s breath out of them.)
My two kayak experiences were totally different but both were wonderful. The first happened in Hawaii, 2006. I must admit that I had it pretty easy on this particular adventure. I didn’t even have a paddle! The tour guide took care of all of that and I just had to hang on to Ricky and pray he wouldn’t squirm and tip us over! This was ocean kayaking. There were waves to fight against and the tide which could change which direction you were heading if you weren’t careful. We went to a small island and saw birds and other fun sights in nature. This adventure also included some snorkeling time at the end.

I learned the easy way to kayak.


And the hard way to kayak.


And that it is important to put sun screen on the tops of your feet!


My second experience was on the Pudget Sound, 2008. This time, the water was still, even though it rose and fell with the tides and was technically still the ocean. I still saw birds, but they were eagles not little birds that blended in with the dust. It was almost scary how close we came to these huge birds of prey! Those beaks and claws could really rip a face off!


The kayaks were different and I had to do all the work myself, but it wasn’t hard and we could have stayed out all day, but Billy had been screaming when we left . . .


At each of the port cities on our upcoming cruise, there is a kayak excursion. In Cozumel, the adventure is in a transparent kayak that you take out to a reef and you get some snorkeling time in. I’m not so sure about the transparent boat thing - that seems a bit freaky to me, but those glass bottom boats were once all the rage! This is a 3.5 hour excursion that runs $79 per adult. Minimum age to kayak is 6, to snorkel 8.

In Grand Caymen, the kayak adventure reminds me the most of my Hawaiian one. You paddle around an island looking at wildlife and listening to a tour guide. You get the chance to swim before heading back. This one is about 3 hours and runs $75 per adult. Minimum age 8.

And in Jamaica, you can do some ocean kayaking along the shore to Dunns River Falls where you can then hike the falls. This is 3.5 hours and runs $88 per adult. Minimum age 8. I think this one sounds the most appealing (only because of that transparent boat issue in Mexico).
There are several other water running adventures available, but these are the ones that include Suzy’s infamous kayak. I would encourage everybody to try kayaking at least once. Perhaps our boys will be well enough behaved that someone would be willing to watch them while Kevin and I try one of these adventures (that’s only a subtle hint).

And the winner is...

Tony scored 40%.

Cindy scored 30% on her first attempt and 60% on her second.

Dan scored 50%.

The prize is a batch of your favorite cookies, homemade by me.

I'm feeling generous. Tony and Cindy, let me know what your favorites are and I’ll bring them up next time we come to visit.

Here are the correct answers:

bask of crocodiles
business of mongooses
pandemonium of parrots
herd of manatees
cloud of bats
knot of frogs
asylum of cuckoos
flock of pelicans
charm of hummingbirds
brood of snakes

Thanks for playing!

Lounge of Lizards

Is a group of turtles really called a herd? I'm not so sure. I turned to my good friend Mr. Google.

A group of turtles is called a bale. That doesn't roll off the tongue quite like "a herd of turtles" though. Bales are for hay, right? Other choices for identifying the little turtle group are dole and turn. I like the sound of "a turn of turtles."

I did a little more research into the animals of Jamaica and came up with a fun (or cheesy) game for your enjoyment. If you'd like to play, there's a prize for the winner. What's the point of playing if there's no prize?

Match the animal with its group name. You know, like a group of crows is a murder. A group of lions is a pride. A group of lizards is a lounge. Easy enough.

No cheating. You can work together but you'll just have to split the prize. You know what I mean by cheating anyway. Good grief, just be honest. Use your brain.

1. mongoose .................. A. brood
2. manatee ................... B. charm
3. hummingbird ............... C. bask
4. crocodile ................. D. herd
5. parrot .................... E. asylum
6. bat ....................... F. business
7. frog ...................... G. flock
8. cuckoo .................... H. knot
9. pelican ................... I. pandemonium
10. snake .................... J. cloud

Just make a comment to this post with your educated guesses. The person with the most correct wins a prize. You'll have to wait for the next time we come to Grandma's to collect the prize but it will be worth the wait.

I'm really hoping someone besides Dan plays my silly little game.

Good luck.

Faster than a Herd of Turtles

I drive by this sign, Monday through Friday, and it always makes me wonder, "Who are all those men so desperate for love that they will go to this length to find it?" Pathetic, really. But then I see the Golden Arches and my thoughts wander to french fries and strawberry shakes and I am over it. I love strawberry shakes. When I need a mental pick me up, that is what I get. Stressed out? Get a large one. Had a bad morning? A regular size at lunch makes it all look better. Don’t bother with the small size. Size matters and what is the point really? A tease of delicious pinkness? Pink is the color of Valentines and little girls, but to me it means spring. I don’t know, maybe its because the color of the M&M bag is pink for Easter or maybe I just like pink and it’s the fashion color of spring, but that is what it is.
Its almost Easter now, which has me thinking of eggs. Boiled, salad sandwiches, deviled, marshmallow, chocolate, hidden, plastic, peanut butter, fudge and my favorite-marshmallow. Not to be out done by fudge, of course. Someone at the theater asked me what chicks and bunnies had to do with Easter, and I told them (because I am the oldest one there and have the most acquired useless knowledge) that it has to do with the eggs. That’s why the Easter bunny hides them for us to find, like the chickens do. It all ties together, see? I guess in the islands of the Caribbean they had to be creative and instead of bunnies and chickens, they look for turtle eggs.

I don’t think I would want to find many of them, they look gross and I don’t think deviled turtle sounds very tasty. However, just like bunnies and chickens, once they are hatched and fluff up a bit they are pretty cute.
Sea turtles are pretty amazing. They are protected in the wild because they throw such out of control parties that the police are always at their house protecting them. They live to be really old and are graceful in their natural habitat-like Bishop Drake. Have you ever seen him working in mom’s yard? In a Navy sweatshirt he is totally a turtle out of water to me.

Unlike fish, turtles can be out of water, they breathe air and everything. That is where they hide their eggs, on the beach. Not anywhere near as creative as the Easter bunny hiding eggs in suit coat pockets. And they only dye their eggs in the one color-egg. Turtles are not the right-brainers of the ocean. They aren’t good mothers either. And don’t get me started on their idea of fatherhood! That turtle in Nemo is not the rule, he was the exception. The dads do their thing and leave the mother, all pg and stuff, to crawl across the beach (like a turtle out of water, too), dig a huge hole until she is so exhausted all she can do is poop out a couple three dozen boring turtle eggs and then bury them (probably out of shame-she is an unwed mother with no creativity) and crawl back to the water (again, like a turtle out of water) and swim away. I might have missed a few steps, like saying a prayer over the ugly eggs. I am sure if I was the mother turtle that I would have a few extra words to say about the cruelty of nature.
After enough time has gone by the eggs start to hatch and little pathetic turtles dig their way out of the hole and start to crawl (how? You guessed it!) to the ocean. And to top it off, the sea birds have been waiting for their hors d’oeuvres for way to long and they swoop down on the boring, newly hatched ugly turtles and fly away with their lunch wiggling in their beaks. If you were lucky enough-or so ugly as to be unappetizing-to not be caught, you might make it to the water. But, again Nature has a different idea for your life’s direction. The waves are constantly trying to push you back to the bird buffet for the second feeding and to top it off-NO ONE HAS TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SWIM YET! Oh the horror! There are no directions printed on your shell, no life preserver or inflatable toy. If you finally manage a doable turtle-paddle past the pounding surf, you are small and weak and can be eaten at any time by something bigger and uglier than you. Sigh. There is nothing more depressing than being eaten by something even uglier than you-and you know that the reason they got big enough to eat you was because they were so ugly. Depressing.

A few years ago some scientists were worried that the turtle population was suffering from a clinical depression epidemic and so they attempted to medicate them. But the stupid ugly turtles proved hard to herd and even harder to convince to swallow a pill twice a day. However, by catching the turtles and wrangling the herd together they did create a new place to visit when cruising in the Caribbean. The turtle population could grow and thrive in a lower stress environment and the incident’s of depression were depressed. Now their parties are filled with noisy games of "Pit" and "Pictionary" and there is no alcohol served. Or eggs, that would be yucky. The fathers have to make occasional visits too, and the mothers can watch their offspring grow up in safety with crooked bangs, like all good moms want.

This is really important stuff-the reduction of clinical depression in turtles. But more important than the turtles, those silly scientists found another way to enjoy a vacation. THE GIFT SHOP! Yep, that’s right. They don’t sell turtle soup or deviled turtle eggs, but you can get a cool t-shirt or shot glass or plastic turtle there. It might be fun to look at the turtle tanks, maybe feed a turtle or two, see the variety and learn about their habitat and quest for survival. BUT at the gift shop you can buy postcards of people doing that exact thing and that is a way cooler way to spend my cash and time. And you know how I can do it? Faster than a herd of turtles, that's how!

BTW, there is a tour that takes you around the island, to the turtle farm, to Hell and back. It is a small charge, somewhere around $60 a person, including entrance into the farm. Its seems to be a lot like the Circle Island Tour of Hawaii, but without Cousin Bob yelling at us. And I am not sure if we can turn our back on the ocean in the Caribbean, but if Aunt Nancy is on this tour with me, I will have my camera ready to watch and see! It doesn’t include postage for mail going out from Hell, though. Or lunch, I don’t think. But I will find out because this is my plan for enjoying a day in the life of the Grand Cayman Island.