Anyway, my name is Sgt. Abigail Houdini Hubenthal and I can't blog under my own name because I don't know how to invite myself into this group. Unfortunately, I feel that way a lot at family gatherings. Always looking in from the outside, feeling cold, sometimes wet, and unable to express my emotions other than to cry, pitifully. I sometimes wonder if I am considered a part of the Olds family, or apart from it. I never used to feel this way, and then THEY started to be born. Who do you ask? THEM. The ones who poke eyes and pull tails and jump on backs for a "ride". More like a squish. Oh, they are cute enough, but they drool more than I do and don't know how to use the lawn (or hallway rugs) to take care of bodily functions. Yuck. Laying around in your own is so gross! Not at all as exhilerating as finding someone elses to roll in-preferably cow or horse, even a good old earth worm puts a twinkle in these sad eyes.
Speaking of which, they say that we look like our people. Uncle Tim certainly resembles my Mommy, if she needs a haircut, and Danny looks so much like his mother! Assuming this is so, then my Mommy either has a really saggy stomach and wrinkled jowls, or sad eyes. Maybe its because she is feeling paranoid about her job. Yesterday, a fifth grader told her that he had heard the principal saying they had found someone better than her and wanted to fire her. No joke! That is what he said! Then the JSSC (Jerks Spreading Silliness Committee) asked if they could have Art instead of Music. How is that supposed to make my Mommy feel? "Fatter" is what she told me as she ate her second Chocodile of the day. On top of all of that, I ate some grass and threw up. Yes, we were that upset!
Oh, did I not tell you I am a dog? Basset Hound, really. We don't count as dogs. We are not cats, or non-dogs (little yappy "dogs" that count for nothing put headaches and trouble), but a special bread of empathetic creatures meant to syphon away sadness and take it into ourselves, providing comfort and relief for the agreived, assuming the pathetic and tragic facial expressions so that your face won't freeze that way. Like I do for my Mommy, but I digress.
Some family members make sad eyes and don't think they are as involved as others. Not enough variety to the cruise blog, no follow through on cruise assignments-like information of events and tours or where we (that's a royal "we" since I am not invited) are staying in Miami before and after we board. I prefer to think that we are all just busy and finding an appropriate and entertaining thing to type takes more mental powers than some people posess. Anyone can cut and copy a clever or cute quote, but not everyone can explore the fashion sense of cruise guests.
And finding pictures! Especially when everything is in black and white, can be quite a nightmare! Makes me need to scratch my ear and bounce my left leg. Ooh, that is much better! I don't know if I found them all correctly, but they look close enough to me. I had better go get a drink of water now, I don't want the hard water line to be deposited at the same level in the toilet bowl after all. That is my job in my family. Everyone needs to feel important.
P.S. I think that Rusty drools like me, Cate is of course darling-like I am, although I refuse to wear a flower or bow on my head. Billy is a tease-don't ge me started! Danny is intelligent and into things, as am I. And Ricky? Well, he obviously got me tongue!
Wow, Sgt. A.H.H., you've had a lot on your mind. I commend you on your excellent keyboarding skills, seeing as how you have no fingers. You need to go drool on the JSSC. They sound stupid. What on earth is a Chocodile?
ReplyDeleteA chocodile? You never heard of a chocodile? My Mommy loves that you had never heard of that and didn't notice that I became a pirate in my P.S. A chocodile is a little bit of heaven in a wrapper from the 7-Eleven store. Sometimes other stores, but usually its a 24/7 emergency so we have to go to the 7-eleven. Picture this: Smooth, creamy filling-not twinkie filling, more cupcake, ding dong filling, surrounded by white cake-not twinkie cake, more zingers style, dipped in chocolate. Aah. Like a ding dong, only shaped like a twinkie. Not good frozen like a ding dong, but way yummier than even a twinkie. Why do I know so much about snack cakes you may ask? Well me lovely, all us pirates keep our good eye out for treasures to steal and bury. Argh! P.S. from Suzy-yes, the JSSC sucks. We hate them. At every school I have ever been at, they cause more trouble. That is what they are for, venting problems and creating solutions. They just never get to the solutions and only stir up controversy and contention. I hate them. I need another chocodile, or two.
ReplyDeleteI noticed the pirate thing, for the record. And does it count when you are swiping your pictures from MY website?
ReplyDeleteAbby never ceases to amaze me
ReplyDeleteHey, where are pics of our kids?? Looks like the wee ones have overtaken the older ones now and our cute boys have been forgotten, ;-(
ReplyDeleteI apologize for the ignorance of my wife. (How can anyone not know what a Chocodile is?) Maybe Winn Dixie doesn't carry that brand, and she wouldn't be caught dead in an A&P. (That's the colored store.) Or maybe it's the Canadian half of her. No one can really understand a Canadian.
ReplyDeleteDiane, what boys are you talking about? I seem to recall having some older nephews, but I don't remember.
I was thinking "me tongue" was just a typo. I stand corrected. I missed the pirate reference. They don't sell your chocodiles at Piggly Wiggly or Kroger. They might be at the A&P. I didn't shop there (and it's not the colored store).
ReplyDeleteI accept the admission that maybe Chocodiles were only sold in the "other" store so Cathy's lack of education is understandable. However, Dan, now that your wife has had her eyes opened, you are gonna have to get her some to try! Throw a couple my way when you do. I think Cate can wear the bikini if she wants and look dang cute. Speaking of cute, Abby didn't mean to steal Aunt Cindy's pictures, she doesn't know any better and can't figure out how to get pictures from our camera onto a dang computer. Also speaking of cute, children older than Abby have not usurped her importance in the family, hence there was no need to include their photos-which Abby does not have to use anyway- to enhance the ramblings OF MY DOG! She appreciates your comments though. Its nice to have comments, eh?
ReplyDelete