Can you spare a square?

I have been thinking about our upcoming vacation a lot these last few weeks. I guess I need something bright and sunny to contemplate on rainy, 6th grader filled days. When you have a lot of time to think, you think of a lot of things. My latest thoughts have been on emergencies. It’s Cindy’s fault, really, the whole car seat dilemma. What other emergencies could come up? I can’t think about pirates, that is too Johnny Depp and scary. Hurricanes and tropical storms make me want to cry, so I can’t think about them. If there was a fire or something made the boat sink I know I would die, so I have nothing to worry about there. Just get a better life insurance policy and all my important papers to my on-shore emergency contact and pray my temple recommend holds up under water. LOL, that is funny. Oh, maybe I ought to renew my recommend, now that I mention it.
So what other emergency is there? Only one I can think of that would bring down a cruise. You got it-the TP kind. Will there be enough? What if there isn’t? Can they ration us to 4 sheets? One or two ply? And what kind does Carnival use? I would imagine the septic safe kind, probably one ply and scratchy. Not as scratchy as the newsprint they use in Europe, but not my MD Pretty Prints either, which they no longer make, btw. It’s Angel Soft and only comes in boring white now. But I digress.
I was watching “Friends” and this subject came up in a round-about way (pun totally intended). Remember when Monica wants to show hunky Magnum, P.I. how to fold the point in the toilet paper roll? I was laughing about that because I have a compulsion to correct the roll when it is hung backwards. All toilet paper should roll out, not behind. It just works better and looks prettier. I used to try the point thing, but John never got it, so I stopped.
What about diaper wipes? Will they be properly disposed of or will some cute baby seal do something gross with it and be on my conscience forever when I help out with the babies? Sorry, Sisters, I guess no diaper changing for me-I can’t take the guilt.

And what if my personal needs need some extra attention? How many personal moisture wipes can I pack? How can I plan on my trips to the facilities? I will be surrounded by water-will that contribute to my need to go? They only have canned soda, so will that cut down on my fluid consumption? And what about the food? Being in the islands, I would imagine lots of fruit. That could be bad, plums or prunes both work the same way. Will there be adequate cheese to plug things up? Do I want to eat buffet cheese?
Are we talking possible full-scale onslaught of Montezuma-type revenge? Will the infirmary have 2 ply? Cause if not, I might want to pack my own brand just in case. Except they don’t make it anymore.